Best of Bluesky – Volume 1
Bluesky is a social media platform that is currently pretty good (not overtly problematic) and I enjoy it. Recently, people have been sharing their favorite old tweets from the bad site and while it’s a lot of fun to see some old bangers, I thought, “Hey what about some recent Bluesky bangers?” So, here are some of my faves.
*playing a California Raisins record for a friend* Pretty good right? These are raisins playing all the instruments
(showing you some annoying bullshit that immediately pisses you off) and would you believe a computer made this
— dave (@gloomfather.bsky.social) November 22, 2024 at 6:21 PM
My main hobbies
— House of 1000 Fionas (@cogentanalysis.bsky.social) October 22, 2025 at 12:35 AM
For the absolute last time: I *never* said I thought E.T. dressed in the wig and the dress was sexy, I said *I could see why people would think that*
— Paul F. Tompkins (@pftompkins.bsky.social) June 15, 2025 at 9:32 AM
thought I was all good when my doctor said i was healthy as a horse; turns out he was referring to one specific horse, ‘Sick Matthew’
— it’s kyle (@hippieswordfish.bsky.social) May 25, 2025 at 8:38 AM
the fondue…? you mean my drinking cheese?
— Ali Garfinkel (@aligarchy.bsky.social) July 3, 2023 at 1:53 PM
Me: I’m bored
My refrigerator: here she comes— MadHatterMommy (@madhattermommy.bsky.social) January 17, 2025 at 8:46 AM
[gentle voice] babe. babe, wake up- i made you some hotel room coffee with sink water
— Ygrene (@ygrene.bsky.social) April 12, 2025 at 7:50 AM
I’ve decided to donate my brain to science.
[years later my brain is used to prop open the Science door]
*saying affirmations in the mirror* I am a big horse. I am a beautiful horse with powerful legs. I am fifteen hands tall. No one can catch me because of my powerful horse legs and wild nature. I have all the apples I want
— Kendra, normal version (@kendrawcandraw.bsky.social) February 22, 2026 at 6:49 PM
My robot butler keeps crushing my wine glasses with his big, stupid metal hands. I shouldn’t have to live like this.
— Jack Boot (@jackboot.bsky.social) May 17, 2025 at 2:22 AM
Devo posted this photo of their show in Philly last night. Check out the guy in the front falling over the railing lmao
— Christian Alsis (@christianalsis.bsky.social) May 2, 2025 at 7:38 PM
curds & whey hit different on a tuffet
— david tveite (@tveite.bsky.social) June 4, 2025 at 3:55 PM
Years ago my sister got her cats this fancy chicken wet food and had it in a bowl in her fridge. i made the worst the chicken salad sandwich ive ever eaten with it and once a year my family still gets together to roast me about it. They can never find out i actually made 2 sandwiches and ate both
— Truckstop Vigilante (@brenthor.bsky.social) June 4, 2025 at 10:36 AM
If that’s your girl then why is she reaching up to grab something off the top shelf for me
— Patrick Cosmos (@veryimportant.lawyer) July 4, 2025 at 9:20 AM
For just $30 an hour I will watch streaming shows with your parents and tell them whether something is a flashback
— Dennis B. Hooper (@dennisbhooper.bsky.social) July 6, 2025 at 3:25 PM
Hello, it’s us, the last untattooed family at the water park.
— Mitchell Nobis (@mitchnobis.bsky.social) July 17, 2025 at 12:37 PM
Going to start adding “famously” when discussing mundane things about myself to annoy people.
STARBUCKS EMPLOYEE: You want me to leave room for milk?
ME: No thank you, I famously don’t take milk in my coffee.— Gourmet Spud (@gourmetspud.bsky.social) July 21, 2025 at 9:02 AM
Among the greatest promotional photos of all time are these for the 1990 television movie of IT, where it looks like a prestige legal drama about a firm of hot young lawyers and one associate who likes to dress up like a clown.
— Nat Cassidy (@natcassidy.bsky.social) July 24, 2025 at 2:14 PM
sitting in traffic when a smart beautiful woman, w/an amazing personality, walks close by—about 5ft away. i lock my car doors out of respect
I bet it feels so good to turn zombie, no more bosses or bullshit you’re just running around with a big group of friends
— Lostcatdog (@lostcatdog.bsky.social) August 10, 2025 at 8:31 AM
Jack Antonoff: and I guess that’s how we sorta landed on the bedroom pop feel of Midnights
Andy Reid: [wiping blue cheese dressing from his mustache]
— Bradford Pearson (@bradfordpearson.bsky.social) August 26, 2025 at 1:42 PM
Not only did I make my own sushi, I drove myself to the E.R.
— Kip Conlon (@kipconlon.bsky.social) August 22, 2025 at 9:41 AM
JOANNA NEWSOM: *playing the harp while hooting and growling*
ANDY SAMBERG: that’s great hon
— abraconagra (@markpopham.bsky.social) September 4, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Need 600 dollars due to recent personal tragedy. Picture is not related, I cannot figure out how to delete it. The money is not for that. I don’t know what it is even
“Jack Harlow” sounds like the name of a guy who’s about to lose a 3 minute match to the Honky Tonk Man on WWF Superstars on a Saturday morning.
— Ken Childs (@thekenchilds.com) September 9, 2025 at 7:07 AM
Just learned they’re selling a French dip in the west village for thirty five dollars and people line up for it for hours. we need crime to go back up
— Kath Barbadoro (@kathbarbadoro.bsky.social) September 20, 2025 at 7:23 PM
Sci-Fi Author: In my book I invented the Torment Nexus as a cautionary tale
Tech Company: At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don’t Create The Torment Nexus
— Alex Blechman (@alexblechman.bsky.social) May 16, 2023 at 6:51 PM
Take your kids to the science museum where they can learn about plasma balls and touch screens with JavaScript errors on them.
— vladchoc (@vladchoc.bsky.social) December 12, 2025 at 2:11 AM
[hot ones] me: *finishes off gallon of milk*
sean evans: ok are you ready for your first wing— dan mentos (@danmentos.com) November 7, 2025 at 10:29 PM
More songs should start like Monkey Gone to Heaven. “There was a guy.” Ok I’m listening, what’s this guy up to
— vineyille (@vineyille.bsky.social) February 12, 2026 at 1:30 PM
my new theory is that once you have a certain amount of money and wealth you start to go crazy and detach from reality. that number is different for everyone. for me it’s $20
A jury of my peers? TWELVE murderers?!
— Anthony Clark (@nedroid.com) August 25, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Do you think unbending Clippy until he was a long piece of metal would be painful for him. Or do you think it would cause him to feel a great sense of relief
— Blue sky nice ghost (@rajandelman.bsky.social) September 13, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
— the hype (@thehyyyype.bsky.social) November 18, 2025 at 10:48 AM
The bon jovi rest stop is “halfway there” between my house and my mom’s and I think that’s beautiful
— andy vs. (@im-all-id.me) November 17, 2025 at 8:27 AM
Does anybody have cardboard boxes to spare? I’m helping my dad move and he luvs 2 breakdance.
— Allison Tanenhaus (@atanenhaus.bsky.social) November 22, 2024 at 4:15 PM
“Wait, hold up, did they just leave him home alone?” (Me, recording my first time watching react video for Home Alone)
— Rob Wesley (@eastwes.bsky.social) December 14, 2025 at 7:50 PM
The hairdresser holds up the mirror so I can see the back of my haircut but she accidentally uses the mirror that reveals how you die. I see my 80-year-old self tumbling down a hill after slacklining for the 1st time. I never know how to react in these situations, so I just mumble “wow I love it”
— Isabel Zaw-Tun (@izzyzaw.bsky.social) January 5, 2026 at 2:22 PM
Liam Coen looks like he’s at the funeral for somebody who died in a dirt bike accident
— Christian D’Andrea (@trainisland.bsky.social) January 11, 2026 at 2:45 PM
I like the Little Free Libraries around town. But I LOVE the little free mailboxes: Magazines, greeting cards, paychecks!
— Chip Chantry (@chipchantry.bsky.social) December 2, 2024 at 9:18 PM
Chappell Roan CLAPS BACK at fans who keep hitting her with their cars:
“Crosswalks are my sanctuary and you do NOT get to just plow into me with your car
— Dan Clyne (@danclyne.bsky.social) October 12, 2024 at 1:56 PM
Guys being Dudes
— Major (@majorarschloch.bsky.social) February 20, 2026 at 10:20 PM
me: if i had kids, i’d be such a helicopter mom
you: you DO have kids
me: WHAT
— kattsdogma.bsky.social (@kattsdogma.bsky.social) March 4, 2026 at 10:15 AM
I have an autistic neighbor who says, very loudly, “HEL! LO! HOW! ARE! YOU!” when she sees me & I love it but today she said, “GO! HELP! THE! LADY!” & pointed toward an elderly woman who had fallen in her doorway so I helped & afterward thought, “I love living in an edgy reboot of Sesame Street.”
— Michael Jay McClure (@mjmimages.bsky.social) March 24, 2026 at 2:06 PM
you know when someone is speaking to a crowd and says “good morning!” then the crowd mumbles something back and he says “let’s try that again. GOOD MORNING!” fuck that guy
— Alice Reilly-Gold (@olivia8k.bsky.social) December 19, 2025 at 11:29 AM
Death could use a PR win, and I have a suggestion.
— Brian McFadden (@mcfadden.bsky.social) January 30, 2026 at 3:21 PM
You can pretend to have your shit together if you want. They don’t really check
— donni saphire (@donni.bsky.social) December 25, 2025 at 8:51 PM
Imo the biggest news story of the day was when my two year old niece went outside and said “look at all those fucking bees!”
— John (@notheotherjohn.bsky.social) May 30, 2024 at 10:40 PM
Steve: did u guys get a good pic of me
Dave: ya dont worry
Steve: which pic did u use
Mark: dont worry about it— Gregory Possum-Friend (@possumacquainter.bsky.social) March 7, 2026 at 8:41 AM
— barnabus (@othersome.bsky.social) April 2, 2026 at 11:06 AM
Treat Yo Self: The Official PIZZA Flag Shirt!
Get yours now >Subscribe
Get good things in your mailbox every two weeks!
I enjoy being outside and running on trails and sometimes I enjoy being online. More >
